sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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