omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
