my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
