i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
