I hate your face
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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