Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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