i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
