On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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