Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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