you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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