Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
