Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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