I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
