its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
