You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
