omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?