Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
