Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize