it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
