Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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