At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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