k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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