Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
