I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk