Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.

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(765): View more from Indiana

So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(519): View more from Ontario

That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want

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(630): View more from Illinois

I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.

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