I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
