I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
