His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
