I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
