I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
