Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
