if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How does one acquire holy water?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
