dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
