Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
