And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
