He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
