This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
