and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
