I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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