mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
