in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
