So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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