Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
