Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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