i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize