he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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