I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Drunk is not a location!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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