Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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