Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
