My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
