since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I wear drunk well.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
