Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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