Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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