he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
