my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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