she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
