were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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