Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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