my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
